foreign thanks for tuning in to Jin and tatra spirituality with the twist once again you have Daniel driving the ship as my partner Eric is out on vacation but uh you know as they say when the cat's away the mice will play I'm not liking myself to a mouse or a rat I'm just you know using a euphemism so uh you know any news but I wanted to welcome on my first cousin and good friend Joey bar Hume who is a personal trainer and you will already have had his uh heard his introduction uh in the beginning of the podcast but uh Joe let me give you a chance to say what up hey what's going on Daniel good afternoon and happy New Year happy New Year yeah yeah that's right that's that's the the motivation behind the episode right so thanks for bringing that yes that is why we are here that's right that's right a little excited there yeah no it's all good all right so uh let's just hop right in man so the motivation of the episode definitely is uh you know change in habits right uh New Year's resolution and kind of like our culture's acceptance with change at this one time of the year we don't talk about it any other time of the year although I think probably for myself and maybe yourself definitely Eric and probably many of our listeners personal change is it's like New Year's is every week basically we're like okay how can I you know I want to get rid of this habit how can I improve this thing you know what I'm saying like absolutely but you know the culture gives a moment to speak on it and so people are more inclined to have this like I don't know I guess communal awareness of it you know what I'm saying yeah and I think it's a good thing I mean anytime I get somebody a little bit more receptive I love it yeah no it's unfortunate that it's only once a year but yeah yeah better than zero yeah yeah that's definitely true man you know um so the motivations around what we're doing is that but then also like I'm currently reading or just about finished with this book by Gabor mate called uh the myth of normal trauma illness and healing in the toxic culture it's a really deep read on on how trauma affects all the various levels of being from infant to adolescence to Childhood or infant you know what I'm saying the growth of the person and then and then how that affects relationships families the society and then and then continuing out like basically saying that people are living TR living there they're living the adaptations to their traumas basically and that gets passed down generation to generation and we're going to talk about this because you know as the audience knows you're a personal trainer I still operate as a personal trainer we're both in like the you know kind of healthcare and health and fitness industry um we see this you know and people are working through various layers would you say that you you know as p people come to you and you guys are doing whatever work you're doing together would you say that they start to break through some psychological layers as their physical I guess prowess develops and and that like there's can be the beauty of uh Fitness and especially in its Purity like if you're trying to find like a complete protocol of Fitness that yeah you have to deal with that psychological element trauma element um and that can come in a variety of ways not not just Fitness it's um everything around Fitness if you want to be healthy and a lot of times it can also be negative unfortunately because of Media or so much information out there that people are just yeah I'm gonna take this I'm going to try this and then you know and I just got yeah so I definitely experience what you're saying yeah yeah no it's yeah and I hear what you're saying it like people are trying to apply a salve to help with the symptom but you're not looking at the root you know and you can you can make changes but if you don't get to the deeper levels you know yeah I mean I'm a fan go ahead I'm sorry to cut you off I'm a fan of moving your body first sure if you're stuck yeah get your body moving um and then that can be whatever it feels right to you especially get a coach obviously if you can right but moving first and you will be amazed at how quick or in my opinion from what I see uh how quick people all of a sudden need to address somebody's psychological issues right because they start seeing I need maybe better sleep if I plan I'm going on that walk tomorrow yeah yeah and there's also different levels of thinking right as yourself yeah let's take walking for example right which is a really good one but bicycling is another one that I've heard people talk about they call it uh linear thinking is that they're they're engaged in a physical process in such a way that they can't Ramble On in their mind as if they were just seated because they're focusing on one step in front of the other you have to stop for cars to come by maybe you know some dog is you know you're aware of your environment but this sort of gives you expansiveness in your mind you know to kind of open up and tackle some different problems and and to your point sometimes those problems are like right underneath the surface like right there ready to like yeah yeah or hormonally too right just moving your body and maybe walking towards the open Horizon I mean hormonally that can get a lot going to your body and then maybe you have an opportunity or at least the window to uh work on your brain or work on some of that trauma yeah yeah I know that's totally true um so you know as as you know we talk about this well things will you know we're going to do this you know this is how this you know live talk right but this is how the conversation will go Joe so you're yeah definitely let me know yeah no you're good you're good this is awesome I love always uh spending some time together and just yeah talking it out right yeah I think the other part that is interesting at this particular time of year is that in uh Taoist Theory or Chinese medical Theory depending on how you look at it as you know I'm an acupuncturist and there's a lot of acupuncture students and acupuncturists who listen to this podcast which is we're always great for grateful for all of our audience whether you're Chinese medical folk or not but this is the season of the this is winter time and according to Chinese medicine or Dallas Theory this is the season of the water element and the the water element is associated with uh reflection and wisdom at this particular time we're usually like storing things right people put on a little bit of weight in the winter time there's sort of a natural move towards like sadness a little bit right there's less Sun but it's also it's an internal movement of like energetically we're going inside right we're taking stock of what it is that it's useful for us and we're bringing it into our Center and then as the springtime comes then we like bust out just like the plants do outside but I think that like at this particular time of the year still water is probably it was probably the first sport source of a mirror that we had for ourselves right and so as I'm thinking about this season I'm thinking about Still Water being reflective and US sort of looking in the reflection of ourselves and saying what you know at this time of year metaphorically and physically speaking what about myself can I take from my reflection and think about you know and and use my own wisdom and my own application to try and make some changes so I think it is apropos for this time of the year culturally but I think physiologically as human beings as mammals specifically that we go inside at this particular time and sort of take stock of what's important for us then move forward with that change does that does that make a little bit of I I think that's one of the healthiest the healthiest things we can do absolutely taking stock of ourselves right and just reflection and I mean that's that's where it starts if you can grasp it truly if you can truly understand it with with with anything particularly for me and helping people lifestyle change yeah uh if if they already come in and they've already reflected and however they've already seen it then we can truly start with step one if the reflection is fake and it's a false motivation and yeah you're not looking in the mirror and you're looking into the guy next to use mirror yeah that'll come out that'll come out a little bit in the process yeah yeah that's a little bit of it's funny we'll get to it in a little bit but like that's part of the culture you know I mean that's part that's part of the culture is competition and some competition is healthy because it pushes us I've been sucked in believe me I mean you can I yes it's easy in it and I I love admitting that I got sucked in because I always swore I wouldn't be that guy but I also in terms of much you'll suck suck it give me give me give me specifics for example competing with other people on Instagram that I don't even know other trainers right you know my clients while they perform or my clients are doing this my clients are doing that or I'm doing this or I look like this and and a lot of it is it is the competition part and it's a little bit of what I like doing to drive myself right like and and none of it is harmful but at some point it becomes how was I to expect to navigate something I didn't grow up with like the internet you know not getting addicted I've never had to deal with these type of dopamine responses if you will we were talking about we'll go there next yeah you know but like like then after a while figuring out wow this is all fake as far as like getting sucked in sure so I love the internet for stuff like this you know but yeah I mean that becomes the problem it really becomes the problem and that's why we're talking like this people with experience people with knowledge people take the time to slow it down this is where the real information comes from yeah not from that 30-second clip of tick tock no no no which of course they love getting right you know hey I saw this thing on Tick Tock and if I just take this hula hoop for you know two hours a day will I lose weight I'm like look if you just dedicate two hours a day to anything you're gonna do phenomenal yeah so yeah I mean I'm happy you got two hours to do one thing with that's great you know like I just would love you in here for one hour I think I could do a lot more than you know the Hulu but hey if that resonates with you get it but it it this is a real example by the way and what I'm telling you and it was shared you know people this was a trend so what do you what do you expect uh uh people you know this is what I'm seeing so yeah it's it that's what it is you know and people I'm hoping to kind of just help cut through some of that sure no I know I totally it makes sense um all right so let's let's talk about like uh choices versus habits because you brought this up so we're gonna switch my order on the on the on the you know here a little bit but I'm sorry D no please so let's talk about choices and habits right so Theory theme of the podcast here is making changes right okay so let's let's talk about choice for a second choice what we're how I'm going to Define it for our conversation and for you know for our listeners so they can be with us you know mentally here because we do have a very kind of like engaged audience I would say people who listen listen and you know I could say they're of the uh of utmost intelligence and linguistic ability you know I love it it's like that's how you compliment people just hey you guys are great oh you're so good no but I'm serious though the the feedback that we get is always very like very positive I guess we're not going to get a ton of negative people just keep it to themselves but if you got negative feedback email me I'm all good with it Jen and Tantra gmail.com let me know you know I'm good positive negative absolutely I take it all in and I recycle it um yeah you know but anyways okay so choice choice is something that you will do Moment by moment right so someone could have a choice like we talked about earlier Joe someone could have a choice of eating a salad for lunch this is different than having a habit of healthy eating on a regular basis right because someone who probably eats a little bit healthier will highlight the times in which they probably don't eat healthy you know like they're not they're not proud of it now I will always as I do say that these things are um oftentimes influenced by people who don't have the means to be able to afford healthy healthy or healthier foods so everything that I'm take everything that I always say is relative to your ability to choose your own food things or your your diet things right so and so forth that's definitely a good distinction yeah um and then so that so choice and habit choice is something you do right now habit is something you do all the time right but Choice obviously builds habit now there's a distinction and you mentioned this earlier is that typically when people want to make change they want to change a behavior that is detrimental to them right or not at least maybe not moving them in a direction that they're wanting to go for me meaning that like the pl the momentary that pleasure that they get out of that doesn't have long-term positive effects on them but they still get a little hit you know they get that they get that dopamine pop they get that endorphin release but it's short-lived and so therefore when it's over with they're like ah yeah darn it why did I just eat you know 48 cookies you know I'll finish this and you can pop in uh then you have that all right yeah and you have your your habit and habits are things that you do on a regular basis right these are like your sort of like lifestyle thing and these things lead to more contentment right and this is more like a serotonin-based thing that is kind of like all the time kind of like a little bit of positivity just sort of always because I'm doing the things that I know are good for me or that I have determined to be positive from my lifestyle so we have these kind of two competing aspects right one the choice and the kind of like short-term thing and then the the habituation of choice forming a habit or a pattern you know as the basis of our discussion here when making change let me give you let me give you a little bit of room here to say what you got well I think I'm going to throw your listeners in for a little bit of a loop they think about because I think we talked a little bit about addictive behavior or maybe part of the theme so somebody like me who has um and I don't realize this as a kid but as I got older I have an addictive personality so while my routines are extremely extremely important to me I know how they're going to regulate my hormones so I know for example like you know what my job is going to do it helps stabilize me I know for example my training and whatnot yeah um but I will tell you one of the things and then we'll talk a little bit more um those same routines can also when I don't do them yeah and that one simple thing right well now my whole day is screwed and a lot of that is is an addictive behavior to to it took me time to realize that it's just like everything I guess right there is no one thing these are just so so um having an addictive personality like if I don't get my cold shower in the morning for example I'm like oh well there goes you know uh my whole day my cortisol is going to be all messed up now I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight and there goes my week and 2024 is over with right yeah it's all downhill so um you know so so in those choices in those habits inside of those routines we also want to look for I guess uh some kind of uh balance flexibility and it starts to flexible yes flexibility and it starts with how you you know with what you where you were going it was like we can make these choices and sometimes the the pleasure is short-lived and then the same thing that's giving us that pleasure you know uh whether it's sugar uh exercise drugs the same thing that made us happy our cookies and I don't know how you knew it was 48 but uh those cookies the Ring The Ring doorbell yeah Alexa but those are the same things that we end up despising that we need more of it and then it makes us worse and it makes us fatter and then we hate being fat and and and I'm trying to shy people around the word from like just you know maybe maybe that is the wrong word overweight is the wrong word uncomfortable let's just be healthy you know look like feel your best it's it really you know it doesn't have to be so much about like man if you get the calories wrong and you're doing everything else right sure you're you're in a very good spot yeah you know no that's a good one that's Joe this is why I like to have people honest to remind me of things right you know so like Choice habit but then flexibility within them right to yeah to do to do what exactly what you're saying which is like habits are made of individual choices right that's how that that's how that that's how it goes but if you don't get to one on one day is your week screwed no it's not you know what I'm saying just like if I'm trying to make a change you know someone who's listening to this around the new year or whenever they listen to it whether it's you know January 1 or July one you can make changes absolutely like you can start now with whatever it is that you're doing and we're going to talk a little bit about that moving you know as we move on with our conversation here but if you do good now and then you screw it up later on it doesn't mean that like it's it's not now you know it's just like we have to have the flexibility so thank you thank you for reminding me that's why I bring smart people on thank you Joe yeah great I didn't that's awesome I'm smart now yeah everybody hey you you know what I love what I do man and there are a few things that like I you know especially you I mean we've done this we can go for hours because in the end it's about my fitness it's about you know what can what can I take just someone comment somebody might leave during this podcast and say you know I didn't know what you guys meant by such and such sure that will cause me to think like is there a Gap that I'm missing to to give a client you know have you ever thought about this or thought about that so yeah it's always uh it's always good uh when it comes to anything lifestyle for for Quality yeah so let's so now we're kind of talking about this like habit forming or habituation as I'm calling it right and so I want to give a quick definition from this book um the myth of normal which I I quite love um part of the part of the podcast that I wanted to kind of focus on is this idea of like things that we're addicted to right and why can't we make that why can't we stop whatever it is you know and there's a couple reasons for this that I have found to be personal that I'll give and but I want to kind of give a working definition right so I'm going to just read it verbatim and it says um habit or however you want to call it is a form of addiction or habituation as I would call it and it's known as a complex psychological physical emotional neurobiological social and spiritual process manifesting in any behavior in which a person finds temporary relief or pleasure and thus creates a craving for actions or behaviors that have long-term consequences and short-term gains so this is this kind of thing and now we could say oh yeah that sounds like that could be you know crack or you know meth but that can easily be a behavior absolutely you know absolutely a behavior like and it you know it could be anything you just you know your choice in having you know uh one glass of wine every single night or yes your addiction to not having uh the cold shower and you know and how that throws the you know what I'm saying great then yeah yeah absolutely and I will tell you you know uh if I walked around smoking a crack pipe yeah people like that is a really bad behavior um but if I just went into people's houses and said hey you know turn off all these Bright Lights it's 10 p.m I know you guys got kids are going to go to bed soon all of a sudden my behavior to ask people to turn off or dim lighting at night I'm the crazy one you you you so so you know people are the world is a little bit where it's like we can dismiss bad behaviors like it's completely normal to stare at your phone before bed sure right and that's a behavior and that can be as toxic as a lot of other things it's horrible right but that's how I feel about it I feel like behaviors are I'm constantly scrutinized as like what is wrong with you because I come into work and I don't let anyone talk to me for 20 minutes I get on the floor and I breathe I I Channel myself a little bit I I work my stretches I don't let anyone enter my focus so I know where I want to be but that behavior people are like what is he always you know like no just it's a behavior it's not crazy there's nothing wrong with making sure I'm okay before I let you out of my mind you know yeah so behaviors are interesting yeah no behaviors are behaviors are interesting and there's a lot of various cultural pressures you know that are on that are on people and you know whether we want to agree or with it or not it's I believe it to be true but you know we're all addicted to our phones yeah there's no doubt about it I know I mean that's just this is the nature of things man you know and there's a reason for that there's a reason there's many reasons but one one reason for sure this is not conspiracies documented app companies OR tech companies they hire um psychologists and neurobiologists to develop marketing and advertising to addict people there was a book that came out in 2013 that showed that in uh that food scientists had developed or were working on developing the right balance of like sugar salts and fats to never let you feel satiated so that you can continue to eat the sweet crappy processed foods that you just can't seem to get enough of even though we know it's not healthy for us you know what I'm saying wow yeah you know I'm saying so like absolutely it's not to take the onus off of the individual responsibility but there is a very clear fallacy in this idea of like individual responsibility that the culture places on everybody which is total [...] by the way that like everything that you do is a choice of your own everything that you do do is not a complete Total Choice of your own you're influenced by so many different things in addition to all of your like socio-economical influences right how and where you're raised who your uh Role Models or parents are or are not there for you if that's the case yeah good or bad and all different kinds of ways so we're influenced by so many different things that like for me as I was prepping this episode and you know reading this book and getting ready to have this talk it's like people walk around with their with their life experience on them as a manifestation of of aspects of their personality and so the choices they make oftentimes and I'd love to hear what you have experienced with this especially with eating because you know we see it as as people who help other people exercise but it could be also drinking or just poor lifestyle choices and when I say poor I mean that have short-term gains and maybe long-term consequences you know short-term medicine like coping mechanism but long term they're detrimental to their health and people are using this as a coping mechanism and the therapy that they often use to fix this is exercise which is a good coping mechanism or other shittier coping mechanisms it's easier to do easy to do I mean you know another drink I mean it's fine and until it isn't you know and you no longer have control of even how to gauge your brain anymore because you first need a little bit of alcohol to maybe start pulling the levers on whatever's going on in the brain and then all of a sudden you can think a little now you already know you're distorted so another drink seems fine and we already know where this all goes and I was the thing I think I want to touch on the most is the idea of choice and while it's true I think everybody does have a choice it's just how can you ever expect that choice to be I have a how can you ever expect that choice to be truly uh with all the misinformation like you talked about how can you expect it to be of quality you know with all the digging and all the knowledge and all the courses and just the way I like to look and it just experience right I might try like a something with a client and it doesn't work so if I if I really focus on getting it right and I spend this much energy as a professional how is the average person supposed to learn it from you know Facebook you know I I laughed I mean people come in and then and then you know I I remember intermittent fasting came along man that was an awesome thing right and it's like everybody's internet fast I'm like yeah go for it cool I got a little too I got a little too excited I'm just charging up the phone and but you know everyone's like I'm like how's it going how's it been I've been seeing you a while thanks for calling me this might be like a general conversation and then it's like oh I'm doing great and you could look and you know I know some clients they haven't lost any weight but I'm in a minute fasting and I'm like that's such a beautiful step but when you saw this two minute video of all the beautiful things intermittent fasting can do you know especially when they say I'm bringing down inflammation and I just saw you on another post having pizza well the benefits of intermittent fasting to bring down inflammation and the amount of pizza you put in your butter they're not going to offset each other sure you know so so that that becomes the the junk of the internet right and but but I will say the beautiful part is it does things like this give people opportunity to hear the whole conversation sure what you know you can hear it in my tone of voice the frustration as a trainer when when people bring up healthy things and then I think like we talked about like hey what did you eat yesterday and people say I had a salad for lunch right we talked about this and you're like you know man I haven't seen you in a week and I'm trying to gauge what's been going in your body the nutrition the water and I ask you how you've been eating tell me about one salad you had yesterday for lunch but I I I also realize that tells me that where the person is thinking that they're thinking about the one choice they made versus maybe a habit of like hey I'm sitting down here's an opportunity to have a glass of water right this is just a habit because then you like the end of conversation not just for my throat because I know I'm going to work out later I'm already thinking I threw some uh Epsom salt some sea salt some lemon in here because I kind of want to make sure I'm charged up for my workout later I'm gonna drink some coffee I don't want to get dehydrated it's just a habit I don't think about it right yeah they have a habit of hydration not a choice of drinking water yes yeah yeah no no I I yeah I mean it makes sense and you know I think I'd be remiss to say that like some people have more choices than others and so their their ability or inability to work on themselves in a positive way comes from a plethora of choices other people don't have a plethora of choices and so their ability to choose it still is great but they have far less options to choose from and therefore they have to work on other levels you know on more subtle levels in order to make themselves be a different person because they don't have this choice so if you don't you know if you have like food insecurity or you're not completely emancipated you're you're living at home or with family or whomever and they make all of your food for you or they do all the shopping for you or you know whatever the case is you know I want to make this conversation fit as many people as possible you know yeah yeah that like that's not that's not who you are and simultaneously some people have food allergies or different kind of sensitivities you know they're far more limited and you mentioned hormones earlier people who have thyroid issues and things like you know and hormonal issues they could eat perfect and they'll still gain weight and feel terrible it's a whole host of you know thing and being you know in the medical field it's like there's a lot of different reasons for why people make the choices that they do but that doesn't mean that like there's still not room for some kind of improvement even if it's not like whole SK wholesale thing we could say very easily don't eat processed sugars like yeah I think people probably know that you know like I don't know yeah yeah and they try we all try yeah I'm sure it people don't want to wait until New Year until January 1 and be like you know what like why would they want you know they don't want to wait for to stop feeling bad I mean the whole point is to like ease your own that's true I think that's a really good thing to highlight nobody wants to wait to start feeling good no right and nobody really wants like I love donuts I haven't had a donut in two years because I I I I started realizing the consequence of them no matter how healthy I am I thought I could always out healthy the donut and I plan on caving in one day that'll be okay but you know but I'm also relishing in the moment of when I can when I'm gonna pick that donut but trying to understand that you know uh people have these choices and something is always just going to be a little bit better than nothing yeah no it's true um so let's we'll kind of move our conversation forward here a little bit Joe and let's just so people people don't want to wait to feel better right and and and we'll maybe just change that language a bit and say people don't want to wait to feel happy right okay not the not the dopamine-based choices on a that's a dopamine-based sensation on a momentary choice but on a larger sense of contentment right and so in in that book that trauma book by gabrante that I mentioned earlier that maybe I'll leave a link to in the description if people want to buy it I'm not making anything off of it but it's it's it's an interesting read for sure um so I'll leave a link um but so what he says is that like here are some things that are that are Essentials for people to feel happy or content right and I'll just kind of read them as he has listed in the book a sense of belonging connection or community a sense of control in one's life that a person has um Mastery or competence in something if it's not work then maybe it's a hobby or some aspect of their person you know and this is something that you mentioned earlier Joe self-esteem without external validation and we're going to come back to that one because I think that one's a really big one um and then the last couple here trust that one has all the resources needed to sustain their life which I kind of mentioned with like this food insecurity deal and um and then having a higher purpose or meaning or some Transcendent aspect of your life but let's let's focus in on this thing here because you brought it up earlier and I want to just kind of touch on it again self-esteem without external validation because I think for me I saw that I was like oh yeah yeah yeah yeah right that one right there you know that's it that's all it's all that and I think we're all going to be working on that for a while yeah yeah and and you know like the sense I think that's tied into like the sense of right in in my mind anyways because our culture Prides Independence do it yourself pick yourself up by your proverbial bootstraps even if you ain't got no shoes on you know whatever it doesn't mean [...] right but this idea of like you know American exception American exceptionalism that everybody is created equal and I believe everybody is created equal but the influences around people are definitely not equal at all oh yeah yeah yeah yeah definitely not equal at all and thereby you have to you know you got to find your way through and the ways in which that we are taught as a as communal beings are to find our sense of safety security and self through interactions with others yeah as a communal being you know but then when but the the negative part about that is that when you do that exclusively as a source of like self-motivation rely on other people for validation okay you are going to be left empty at some point yeah I never thought about that distinction I've never never thought of it like that that's awesome or that to me that seems like that's where the breaking line would be because I love the community part I think it's so important and then but that's when it becomes maybe then it goes to jealousy or Envy or whatever for those bad traits that's pretty cool yeah I'll reflect on that more I'll definitely take a copy of the book right because I love I love being able to if I can get a little bit close to like when does when does a good habit like a shower become uh bad or in this case where it becomes like hey you and me are are our friends and we're colleagues and we're cousins and we share a lot of memories and that's why having Community when you're a young and and right all those of those memories are there and they exist and they exist deep so having all of that becomes important and then trying to kind of make the segue of like well do I get jealous of Daniel oh man you know he's doing this podcast I'm not screw him uh and right right but but but but those like that's sometimes where it goes and before you know it all of a sudden where you know I gotta get this type of watch because he's got that watch and it became where he happened to buy a nice watch and I so what I don't have one he never expected me to get one right why am I focused on him yeah yeah no I know that and that's that like we talked that's the competitive aspect that's the negative part of competition it's just longing and I don't know who I heard this from but they were saying something about like oh you know what we did an episode on Teenage mental health a couple years ago and I was listening to somebody give a discussion on this and they were like you know when when we were younger and literally when you and I were younger um which makes me sound old when I say that so uh I know you know it wasn't that long ago I swear to God just a little just a little younger yeah but no like when we were younger you I only had to compete with people in my school that was my level of competition what with the advantation of like social media and everything else now I have to compete with how am I supposed to compete with every other you know 13 year old influencer who's got a Lamborghini he can't even drive to [...] you know what I'm saying like yeah yeah yeah you know Platinum chains hang out it's probably fake but with enough repetition of me seeing it it becomes a habit that I am longing for that it's a meditation on desire actually on desires for things that I think I should have and the issue for me anyways which you and I know will eventually be a false once you achieve it you'll just and that's when you'll figure it out this is you know this is the idea this is why one one of the um Buddhism calls desire empty in its intrinsic nature because once you achieve the thing that you're wanting you have it you're like oh yeah you know like what it didn't do his thing but that's the sad part with social media yeah it just comes down to it and that and that helps with this that that pushes this external validation I need likes I need comments I need views I need to be popular right not everybody was popular you went to high school I went to high school yeah everybody was popular and also newsflash uh the most popular kids uh spoiler alert didn't do so well you know they peaked like at 16 that was the high of your life awesome you know and and and you know hopefully they went about in a nice way because you know what um a lot of times the the the Mental effects of how well you navigated some of that stuff yeah that that that cool kid could have been an inspiration for somebody or it could have been you know like I'm tired of being bullied and yeah they lead a down path so I've always made sure to like if I have a teenager there is no bullying in the sense that even your personality shouldn't see be so boisterous that it makes anyone else feel yeah beneath you well I'm sure you'll raise your your you know your son now and maybe more kids at some point you know God willing if that's thank you in case that that same way but this is but the point of this my sort of Crux of my piece with this self-esteem without external validation I don't think and I've come to this recently I don't think enough people are accepted for who they are full stop yeah and then because of that they feel like they need to be built more and then they become so they they identify with the use you know this definitely happens with you know with women for sure culture that's where your work becomes even more vital than people that just want to exercise yeah well as as somebody fostering this growth yes yeah to be able to well well yes if you're not if somebody isn't going to invest in um themselves truly I mean how how else are they going to learn I'm fortunate enough I got trainers in my family I have you as a resource and you know uh schooling but if just this is just for somebody listening yeah of course people might spend two three years trying to navigate what we're talking about on their own and it might be Financial they're going to look at you know a financial cost and I'll just do something for half the price what can happen is we spend two three years figure and we've all done this in other areas but figuring out we've been down the long road yeah I've now I now still need a coach because I'm older and wiser so someone like you says okay here's my experience and let me show you how to navigate some of this stuff sure and you know so to anybody listening you know if you feel lost and get asked get a coach figure out you know figure out a program that's going to work for you so that's just a just a um a props to your work because this is where uh uh I tend to fall short I don't I don't pretend to even dive into anything other than motivation or some kind of patterning and awareness for people good habits and yeah stuff like that but a lot of times it's deeper there is a lot of layers that they constantly have to peel back you know so yeah and we do this so we and I do want that's where I want to go next actually Joe's the motivational part but I just want I want to finish this piece here just so that I can say that I did is that like this self-esteem piece is so key it's so key you we all have different aspects of ourselves that we feel confident about you know right so being having good Fitness uh having good habits being uh whatever being good at something yeah usually it's being good at something or having something you know but if you don't have you know I just I try to put myself on the other side of it say what if I had nothing if I felt that I was good at nothing I was on I felt like I was unattractive to whomever might be attracted to me and I felt like I had none of these things what would I do you know well I'd probably be in some state of depression and then I would probably look for other people who felt similar you know me being a connected kind of person because misery loves company as they say and it's not for me to try to like go back and tell everybody you're a good little kids even if you pooped in your pants or you you know didn't like playing with Legos or Barbies or your whatever you know I can't do all of that but I think the the beginning of the seeds of change start with you just taking stock with who you are and saying I'm good enough as is if nothing ever changes period the sense of motivation which we'll talk about for a few minutes um is always a driver on the inside but you have to be accepting of yourself throughout the entire process because if not I don't know how long you could maintain that sense of motivation without that candle burning out from too much pressure you know not giving it enough oxygen does that make sense absolutely and it's it's true and it's uh as you like to say about the seeds have changed not dismissing that the seed is where everything starts so you know just people just look at it as it's a word if you can truly dive into the the the the the the seed and this is where you want to change and you are content with yourself then yeah the the rest we can work we have a canvas we can work on yeah exactly you have a canvas to work from no that's right because it's open you know it's open you know I have a friend and she's like um you know she has a couple kids and she's in really good shape she does yoga and things like this and you know she's wearing like she goes to the pool with her kids and she's got you know she wears a two-piece and you know she's she's a couple kids she got a little skins little stretch it's not bad but like yeah you know and some people are like you're so brave you know and she's like probably around you know late 30s early 40s now you know she's in good shape don't get me wrong but you're not like she ended you know she's not like yeah you know and but the other women at the at the pool are always like how do you do that she's like I am in I am in better shape today than I will ever be in in my life I'm more attractive today than I will be tomorrow or the next day so I might as well enjoy what I have you know even if she wasn't a running bins and and eats well you know whatever but just that just the attitude about that you know is like for me positively motivating you know what I'm saying yes absolutely and so we've mentioned this word a few times now and as a trainer and you know somebody like you know somebody who's still trains and but I I love the word motivation um but I and and that's how oftentimes people think okay I'm gonna get changed I'm gonna get motivated you know for me motivation is a synonym to willpower okay okay and I believe that you can have internal drive internal motivation or external motivation external motivation might be like you want to run a marathon that's not a bad thing you know so that's going to motivate you externally or you have a whatever something coming up you wanna you know get in shape more okay fine lose some weight or change some habits or whatever we we're we're using weight loss but it could be for any any habit you know or there could be internal change which is what we're talking about we've been leaning that way more um in in this podcast is that like working on the internal motivational factors that will cause your habits to change thereby your external circumstances will change you know but motivation has a positive and negative I'll say sides to it you know right and and I want to give you a chance to I'm going to give you a moment to to lead on that one because I want to hear I want to hear your thoughts without my you know what I'm saying influence at all so when it when it comes to motivating it's interesting um for me I do it through being a little bit more of an empath so try to find somebody where they're at and while on the surface it's negative when somebody comes in or it can be a negative thing when somebody comes in and says hey I want to get in shape for this wedding right and that's that external so yeah I know you're doing it for an external now if you were to do it on your own it would it's probably going to die the second you're done if I get an opportunity to take a little bit of that and this is just from a motivation standpoint if I have an opportunity to take that what you might say um shallow reason sure to make a healthy lifestyle change if I can grab you and dig into those seeds because even there there's a still underlining issue other than the wedding because you still somehow feel inappropriate and damn it I'm going to show you how awesome you are I I love by showing people a little bit of like hey you know you're not as awesome as you think you are because even though you look like you're a little bit more out of shape than two years ago you forgot what you were 10 years ago right so don't forget and I'm gonna but I am going to show you how amazing you are and sometimes if people are willing you can then find a healthier and positive motivation like don't you want this to last forever because that wedding is next week um so build trust build Foundation get people to focus on other things other that are doable that are doable but in the end man you're right if those seeds aren't you still have to search you always have to search you still have to look inside right and ask yourself why am I even getting up right and how I made how fortunate like like your client or that that lady I mean that's a very perfect example like I'm blessed with what I have she wasn't boggled down by all that I think I love that yeah I love that so so I just motivate by just putting out putting putting a smile on yeah letting people know that man if you just create some good lifestyle habits for a lot of people let me just show you a better way to sleep get like good night's sleep get a good night's sleep and do something positive to your body both from a food standpoint that might be just starting some vitamins or making sure you are having salad every day and maybe saying something physical so sleep well do something physical two hours a week do something good that's you're ingesting for your body and maybe take one bad thing out it is so much easier to search in there because your hormones are operating optimal or more optimal you're sleeping better we can think clear then people search but turning on an app and then sitting in there which I've done right when I first started searching turning on an app and saying I'm going to think about nothing and you were the actually the first one who told me this was years ago uh the thought of thinking of nothing is a thought in itself yeah I was like oh oh [...] there goes the last six weeks I that was actually a big turning moment and how I really started saying okay well um turning on an app is not going to cut it if I want some self-improvement you really got to dig in and do some research and find out how this whole damn thing works yeah yeah that's motivation man yeah no and and motivation is funny right because different things motivate different people and I and I think you know like we're trying to give you know some I guess personal slash professional experience advice how to's if you will on like yeah you know New Year's resolution people anybody who really wants to make positive change but we're just recording it around the new year so that's why we're you know that's why we're mentioning it um but that really like everything does come from the inside everything comes from the inside and I think it comes from like you mentioned earlier or you pointed out earlier it comes from a place of wanting to feel better wanting to have an improved blank you know and whatever that blank is that's going to be your motivation so if your motivation is to lose weight well then then let's do the work that goes into losing weight which is not just a restriction of calories or an expenditure of calories through exercise or whatever you know right you got to do those things too that has to happen right but it has to happen exactly but that's not it right but that's that that's the outpouring that's that's the flower you know the seed is I have been through something in my lifetime or I have seen influences I've been around influences that have affected the way that I view myself and therefore my habits have led me to be where I am now that's it right there and so like yeah you know and if people can can get some kind of therapy or they can go see and you know like a trainer a good one um yes please please for the love of God yeah yeah or like you know an acupuncturist or a talk therapist or get into like a a a an anonymous group of some type what we're saying is that like that connection to somebody or somebody's can help you to see yourself in a in a better light as an external way and then the process hopefully will help you to see yourself better internally so that this process is really about you unfolding the the sort of deeper versions of yourself that maybe you want to experience on a more regular basis you know what I'm saying that's that's kind of like how I am how I've that's through this whole conversation and everything that I've done today I love how you put that I love how you I love how you Circle back to that I love that absolutely so because some part of me I wasn't sure how I was feeling about the because this is uh us actually just having a conversation yeah so I I wasn't sure how I felt about the community part of things right so knowing that or hearing you come full circle and saying Community is actually good oh yeah it's only at right it's remembering that I love this I love that we're chatting loving that I'm on the internet and able to see when the podcast comes up and there goes Daniel again you know trying to help people and then seeing how you brought it full circle but only after it still starts within yeah you know that was awesome that was really good oh good yeah I mean I'm glad and and listen when people you know Community it could be any Community it doesn't have to be your family some people's families are pain in the ass you know what I'm saying as a me and Joe our family so we we got it you know like yeah it's good it's good you know that's exactly but but it's what you grew up with if it's the family you have now it's the family you grew up with and that could mean community that could mean so many I mean you know our clients can become like family to to you know you're seeing them sometimes more than than family by family I could also be outside of your current home yeah but it it it it it it it really does come to to community but God do we have to be guarded today with this [...] internet man I you know it's it's um I've learned so much I've had access to uh currently like um a coach I've been wanting to work with with some biomechanics stuff yeah and I go on Facebook and I love seeing everything and then the next the next scroll down might be somebody who just bought a new car and I'm wanting to buy a new car I'm like oh there goes right right it pulls at you but it wasn't pulling at me a millisecond ago I wasn't even thinking about the new car I was thinking about the money I was saving because I didn't buy a new car right I just paid this one up so you see how quickly something could have determined I'm a grown man with my own confidence and things but that that's that's where things can get a little tricky they can't yeah so that's why you know without without the need of external validation is a huge piece and you know having people around you to help you you know to remind you of these things to to encourage the aspects of yourself that you want encouraged actually you know is a big one and then you have some you said you're a grown man with your own sense of confidence that's because part of it you have a Mastery or you feel like you have a confidence in what you're doing you know this gives people a sense of being a sense of Greater purpose Beyond just the mundaneity of like working for some hours making some money paying some bills you know saving is a sense of security it's a sense of option it's sense of power in a sense you know what I'm saying absolutely so you know all these and that was one of the descriptions wasn't that yeah that's okay yeah that's awesome that's why I'm I'm right so I'm wrapping it up I see yeah I see you Dan but I love the Mastery part and and and it's only you know after doing it and doing it and doing it and I think anybody that works on Mastery by will never say they're a master right yeah but it's only like wow this has been I'm I'm kind of only now getting at a point in my career I'm like I think I'm pretty good at this I really like what I'm doing God I'm seeing changes I got now like 10 years of data I'm like oh I remember when they were born and ooh okay this is how while I've been able to keep these parents in shape through now this kid is 13 14 15. and it's like okay so uh uh I'm getting good because I have external markers or communal markers and that's also what I mean like clients can be friends and yeah and it's all it's all there it's all beautiful stuff but just being a aware that I do feel to your point feel a little bit more confident that I do work on Mastery how good I actually am I don't know but the but the the beauty and wanting to master it yeah is it just it's it's put me on another level of uh I'll say the word hi I've been truly enjoying another phase in my life where it's great and understanding the body a little bit more so that yeah focusing on Mastery so uh that book is definitely going to be a read good yeah awesome well you know I guess sort of in in you know we kind of summed it up a little bit with everything with all the things we talked about you know but and in at the end at the end of it all you know um Community sense of control all Mastery or competence the self-esteem without external validation you know the the feeling of like safety that you have all the things that you need and this higher sense of purpose are all you know key components to it but I I'm really into like feeling your own sense of self without the need for anything or anyone else to kind of uh make you feel anything other than whoever it is that you are and then with that sense of you then you go and you do you you know like and that could include that could include a spouse or a boyfriend or a girlfriend yeah it's so important to highlight yeah or whatever whatever you're into you know yeah either or but in other words like remembering that you know for me it's my wife right like making sure that my and I'll use my life as an example making sure that she's her own woman and I'm My Own man and uh while we love each other her she I I don't need to um I always make her happy but my my existence isn't validated because she's having a bad day or a good show or whatnot sure but I I can tell you if I wasn't into this world and being a little bit more on the sensitive side the way hard to say again as one being an Arabian male wanting to be um uh uh Alpha right it's hard to admit a lot of times that you you're a little bit more emotionally sensitive than others right but remembering that yeah that's a tough one that well yeah we don't have time to get into that but that's the yeah yeah yeah you've been wanting to talk about this like uh male toxicity and and how just that yeah that one that thing it's it it removes compassion and I don't know there's it's too much to get into we're not We're Not Gonna I know we'll stick with this but I think that's where it goes It's Full Circle yeah covering that um those be those behaviors and community and you know getting coaches that are going to help round it all about yeah or getting we'll see we call them guys you know or teachers or teachings or however you can because everybody can afford those kinds of things but you know there's you start this podcast is free share it with all your friends enemies family members give it as a gift give it as a prank you know whatever you know what I'm saying but there's resources out there there's tons of resources uh it's just a matter of of taking it Taking it upon ourselves to help each other so that when someone is ready to make a change they can find a joke they can find a Daniel and if not then they can find a podcast they could find work they could find you know using the positive side of Instagram they could find somebody's account who's providing decent information who gives a [...] you know that they can go and and you know ask hey I don't have money to pay for your services can you give me a couple pieces of of advice or whatever you would never tell anybody no right you'd never tell anybody I would never tell anybody no you know what I'm saying um and the hope and this yeah and people know that and good coaches don't right well yeah yes of course come on let's talk I mean are you kidding sometimes I'll wait for the opportunity yeah of course you know I mean it's a beautiful thing so that's what I'm saying like to to be able the resources are out there um and if you have any questions on you know you know making further change that we haven't discussed because this is a huge topic obviously I think we did all right though um all right you know hit me up at uh on on Instagram at gin and Tantra email me at uh gin and Tantra gmail.com uh let's see what else leave a comment in the YouTube section you know uh leave a review on the Apple podcast that helps the show grow uh you know like comment subscribe blah blah blah blah blah you know all the things that people are supposed to say when you do this um yeah but that's it so Joe thank you for for coming on hey you're welcome man thank you for having me of course I love you cousin and I appreciate it I love you thanks for anyone that thank you and anyone that's been listening um stay positive in the sense in which you feel good about yourself and the actions that you do and truly one step at a time can't compare a mountain so we'll all get there together yeah we're here to help and if uh and if you have any questions for Joe I want to get a hold of him just email me and I'll put I'll put uh I'll put you guys in contact and uh yeah thank you I appreciate it man this is Daniel that's Joey uh we'll catch you the next one we'll see you guys thanks