Kind: captions Language: en [Music] thanks for tuning in to Jin and Tantra spirituality with a Twist we have uh our good friend fedra with us today we'll be talking about all of the things uh kink and fetish and uh some terms and definitions and and fun ideas that um are alive in that kind of community today so if uh that's what you're into then you are in the right place if you stumbled across us somehow randomly I could say you're probably still in the right place um but if this is not for you then uh please uh turn it off and as I like to say turn on some cat videos that'll always uh get your goat uh so we're gonna we're going to dive in and then uh let fedas fedra take us away with some uh discussion on consent as that's usually where these conversations begin uh with with the with the in the lifestyle and and just in in these kind of play spaces and general so fedra please yeah thank you Daniel um thank you for letting dressed for the occasion thank you yes yeah for our our nonv video folks uh fedra is dressed in a uh black latex with uh some uh rings and chains and spikes around the neck just in case uh she thought she was going to escape the answer is no no no absolutely not ah okay so first and foremost we start with the basic right which is informed consent any time like in this in a king fetish like well with anything I don't care if you're not in King and fetish everything should have informed consent right yeah so um this is the meaning of what in uh informed consent is is giving consent Under full knowledge um what this means too where there's these lines is like and we've heard them in the news we've heard them in with our friends is like when drugs and alcohol are involved right because you don't remember like all these things so those those can blur the lines of informed consent so especially in these areas that we're going to talk about today um they can get it can get pretty heavy and get pretty emotional um and and dangerous in in some sense and so um yeah so we want to make sure with all these things and we're going to when we're giving the definitions there's always going to be consent going to be part of this so you're going to hear that repeated all today um but yeah so INR form consent giving consent under full knowledge and that's like not under the influence of drugs and alcohol yeah so this is this is the beginning this is the beginning this is the beginning point this is where things start where things start yes absolutely um so Daniel like let's even say you know we we hear these terms Kink and fetish and they're not exactly the same thing correct um yeah so a kink is a non-conventional or non-traditional sex practice sexual practice fa you know um when we say somebody's kinky like they're like oh they like some some weird things like that's cool um and then with fetishes it is a subset of Kink uh where um an object or an objectified body part uh that's not usually you know considered for sex is required to experience arousal or orgasm yeah so those are the difference between fetishes and Kinks so maybe we give some maybe we give some examples right so yeah I think you know a common one people know about probably in in you know for normal normal sex folks uh a fetish would be like a foot fetish right foot fetish so you so the feet do it for you it's you know it's a kind of a kink I guess you could say um but it's not but it's you know they enjoy that but it's it's it's different than than than a kink in a sense right so it's just like the look of the feet the smell of the feet the taste of the feet mhm I mean people make a lot of money on foot videos they do only fans so much money just with their cute little toes and and not even cute some some of the feet aren't but they're they're killing it out there good for them yeah I mean there there's people who make money uh blowing blowing bubbles on bub with bubble blowing bubbles yes oh that's cute yes I like that yeah I know somebody who does that really yes when you think about it like the chewing and the T like there's a lot of like sexual kind of stuff that that okay I can see that yeah it's kind of like ASMR it's kind of like ASMR but then they also will just you know chew it and blow it and you know cool yeah oh I like it like the more pieces of gum they use is it like I haven't got into the details of her um of of the of this particular thing but I will uh I will sure to I'll be sure to ask more questions there's a lot there you can take a lot um another one would be like a food fetish right where people use food eating food wearing food having food eaten off of the other person just watching that or doing it um very messy but you know um I've seen stuff I went to a show Once where they were using hot dogs and um it was kind of interesting they weren't cooked they were Raw but they were like doing hot dogs and like ketchup and mustard um and people were really excited by it uh yeah so were they kerer but I'm sure I'm sure that could be you know that could be done depending on your audience you know all these Foods were safely prepared yes and consent was and consent was given for sure consent is given and what would you what would you what would you give in terms of like a kink like what would you an example of a kink so okay we can get right into it so Kink would be um like BDSM a lot of people hear BDSM and they think all of a sudden it's like oh BDSM like when you know someone's dressed like Mah and you get whips and change in the ball gag and like that I think is the overview from vanilla people as to what BDSM is which um we'll get into and it's actually it's a type of Kink that involves playing with power and it's an acronym for bondage and discipline dominance and submission sadism and ma ma machism mm so I was like wait I'm not saying right masochism yeah um is a lot that's a lot there the three little letters um so yeah so bondage where we can start um is um like being tied up um restrained right so you've got like ropes um you've got chains handcuffs um spreader bars um suspension um so those things and I mean it can be as simple as just wearing handcuffs right that's like that's a start and that's where I think a lot of people start is like oh let's get the handcuffs out the furry ones you know they're really cute let be getting the little kits from you know Lovers Lane Lover's Lane there you go yeah yeah you can break out of really easily yeah um but you know it's a good start and it's fun and it's playful and it can add a little spice that can go all the way up to like where you use handcuffs in some scenarios you can use handcuffs and they're like leaving marks because they're really tight or how they're placed around the body there causes pain which is consent consensual it causes pain um or you know which is what it arouses um what can arouse or just the act of doing that can arouse the other person um so bondage um discipline so with that like the bondage and the discipline so that's another thing too when you're restrains there may be some acts of you know like discipline and that doesn't mean necessarily spanking or um hitting like impacting which we can talk about impact in a second but it doesn't mean that it could be just like no you have to sit there and just look at me and you you know just restricting saying no and disciplining the person in a way that you know they really want something and the other person's like well you can't have it um so anything to add to that no yeah I mean there's that there there's also uh there's ver it's verbal right so it it can be it's physical but then it's but it can be verbal you know some people like you know um some amounts of like degradation yes um which which I find degradation yeah yeah which which I find to be an interesting kind of a thing I think maybe on some there there's you know you I don't know where you fall on this but some some of it is playful you know uh I talked to one of my friends he's like he's like oh you're just calling he's like you're like a a baseball announcer and you're just you're just saying what's going on you're just oh I'm doing this oh I'm doing that oh look at you you're doing that right like you do that but then but then but then that that quickly kind of goes to like maybe some like I don't want to call it name calling but you know it's name calling I do um it gets really it can get really intense you know where um like to the point like degradation can be where it starts easy like calling someone a [...] like oh you're and it's kind of playful but it's like that's a start but then you're getting into like real areas where it's if if someone else was watching and heard this and not like understanding this like they'd be like wow how would you put up like he or she completely you know like that's so disrespectful and it's hurtful um and it can get that bad degrading like spinning in someone's face or like like there's all all kinds of like all that stuff of degrading someone just making them feel less than right making them feel like they're worth nothing they're an object um and it can be really hot for some people and there's many reasons why you know and psychologists and therapists will they can get into it but as long as it's consensual and it's a thing and everyone's liking it you know it's okay and like even degradation with like um like there's that power play of you know like money like men are women who are high up like CEOs and you're just talking about how shitty of a person you're like you can't control this and I mean it can get it gets so psychological oh yeah for sure like so so doesn't even have to be like about sexual stuff it can totally be about life like yeah and people get like every day you're you're killing it at work and you're just like this high-powered CEO lawyer whatever and all of a sudden you have your your Dom basically telling you you're a piece of [...] you're not worth anything yeah you can't do this and then they're like give me more yes and there's a whole psychological component um yeah but maybe we can have someone on someday and talk about all the psychology of this stuff there there's yeah so there there's there's that and then there's humiliation oh the humiliation oh yeah yeah humiliation is that's interesting that I mean that's such a I don't want to say weird because I don't want to yuck anybody's yum you know what I'm saying humiliation we all are weird in this community yeah Ford humiliation is literally other person is is insulting you you know seem so bad yeah you know and and and it's not always limited I mean often it's limited to the bedroom but I I'm not I don't do that so like I don't know I just I know about it I know people who are they're kind of into it you know um and it is it but it's insult I mean you're being insulted like for sure there's no doubt about it you know and look if people like that that's fine I think psychologically some aspects of this are to kind of counteract the constraints that these people feel in society like you were talking about like CEOs wanting to be men or women wanting to be dominated yes you know um wanting to be like put in their place and and they like that especially I mean I don't stereotypically men you know powerful men like a super strong woman dressed like how you are dressed right now to be like shut the [...] up know stopping on their balls with their heels yeah exactly and then be like you're you know how did you grow such a tiny penis that thing is inal you have a baby that's a grow up you know and talking about penis size is definitely one of the big oh yeah like yeah that's huge but it's not huge that's yeah it's pretty sure so yeah but it's psychologically it's an interesting thing and I think for for me as you know like I've learned more about this and and whatever I am cautious of myself to engage in some of these things because I don't want to like perpetuate someone's wounds and I feel like even though sexuality and pleasure is a very healing space can be very healing you know org like orgasms are great and can be healing can be they're not always but they can be yes they can but then simultaneously as as a as a Healer person and as a an aware not saying others are not aware I'm just saying myself I don't want to like if somebody was has some trauma I don't want to feel like I'm adding to that trauma in this Arena does that make sense like I it's just a fine line yeah that's a fair statement and I think one of the most beautiful things I found is that the unbelievable emotional conversation that's had before and after these things occur um I can't speak for everyone I don't know if everyone has the type of conversations that arise after you know this stuff but this is why after a lot of these things there's like after care right because you're coming down from this imense high right um and that's I think the most beautiful thing uh in my experience it's like we talk about it it's like well why did you like that you know what what is you know it's like that was different um and not something to your to what you said is like I don't think I want to get involved because I don't want to um add to someone's trauma right um and there's a big part of it that's helping like work through well let's see this I we did this that was really cool where is this coming from and why did I like that so much because I've never really thought I liked it so that wasn't um you know that's not like a norm I don't want to say normal because I hate that word but that's not a usual thing that I would practice and all of a sudden like that's making me likeo like really hot and bothered so where is that coming from um I'm fortunate to be able to have you know the right outlet for that um but I don't know I can't speak for everyone but I would suggest if anyone's kind of like Curious make sure you talk it out this isn't stuff that you just do and you're like oh yeah that was fun because if something's like triggering that immense pleasure especially in a sexual sense and you're like yeah that's weird like why do I like that so much it's probably because it's coming from somewhere like really deep and talk about it you know I think it's important yeah all this stuff is away like you were saying it is therapy in a way um in a a completely different way but yeah but being able to reach yeah and that's but it's coming like you were saying being self-aware and all those things some people may not be and they just like some freaking do it like I know individuals that do it and they're like I don't know why I'm like do you want me to tell you because I can tell you exactly why you're in the you know like all things you're into which we won't get into but like it's a very to me it's easy and if he doesn't want to hear it that's okay but you know and some people are like that they're like I don't care about my trauma on my wounds that's very interesting for you to hear and as a Healer yeah it um I can see I can see the the um the desire to kind of hold back from that but maybe it's a discussion you and your partner has well the thought that comes to mind is like you would take a source of pain and sort of alchemize it into a source of pleasure pleasure yeah so you're kind of like reclaiming some of those aspects uh of yourself that were maybe taken away from you you know if you're thinking about like sexual trauma or even emotional trauma too you know you heard that some you know you're somebody called you a dummy or what you know whatever I mean this is these are this is like infantile insults I'm not the the [...] that people play with in this space is like you know it goes yeah I mean we talk about that like the adult you know the the age FL right where you got like mother daughter mother son father daughter father son like these these aspects of you know you're going back to this little child and once again with age play make sure it's legal the person's over 18 or whatever the things you know it's got to be legal and consensual like we don't do age play with little children that's something completely different um but when two consenting adults are playing completely different ages you know um and that I think could be a very healing thing too yeah but also this is why people hire professionals like there's professional DS and dams dams and there's professional people that actually study this and I know a few and it's educational it's like saying that you just want to be a d and a thing like that's fine that' be cool this is like how you recognize yourself but there's actually like classes and things you can take so that you as like in a healing space could be someone's person to do this and let this stuff come out and it's really psychological and it's beautiful and um I think you know I mean in a different sense this is what people will go to instead of going to their psychologist yeah for sure no this it's a therapy it is you know it's it's sensual therapy in a sense you know and because it's not even always sexual it's not even always pen ative it's not nope not penetrative at all oh no there's some we'll get in we'll get into that too um but I wanted no there's something that you said earlier and I I'll have to get back to it because I don't remember but um okay yeah so we're talking about the Dom and the sub so yeah in those two um um well back to what we were saying with the with the the bonding stuff so part of the BDSM is the dominant submission the sadism and masochism which is basically the sadist who likes to like hurt the person or yeah like be the the person that's doing that and then the masochist who is like enjoying like the pleas the pain is the pleasure like you said alchemizing that pain into pleasure yeah so that's where the sadism and masochism come in um the dominance of submission you've got your Dom person to submit now sometimes there switches so here I'm dressed like in this latex you know whatever and I could have a crop and be ready but I could switch and have someone put a leash on me with one these Rings right and now I'm the submissive some people are a switch leaning Dum some people are switches leaning submissive it's just like a different role that they can play they play both but they prefer one or the other over in specific like situation um so that's what the submissive is is like they're taking they're taking it from the person that's giving it um and submitting um but you like this one Brad can you explain what a Brad is oh man brat I don't know any brats you don't know any brats sure you do oh I don't know any oh well we know some similar people and I'll tell you what they're [...] Bratz for sure yeah yeah um and if you and if you know us and you're listening to that and you think that might be you it probably is it probably is so just accept it yeah yeah so BR Brat's Brat's an interesting one like so I'm on the because everything has a spectrum right there's everything is a spectrum nothing is just either or even like you saying like between a a dominant and a submissive there's switch and then there's switches who have a spectrum of being more dominant more submissive or right in the middle or whatever okay fine I think for me the the kind of the the Spectrum to dominant and sub is like a brat and a daddy yeah it's on the same it's on the same thing so you know brat and daddy like what is this one is a person uh and typically this is female and male or or I guess it could be male and male or maybe female I guess it doesn't really matter I don't really know I just it's you I guess it's used maybe in the pejorative with the female male because it's referred to as a daddy like I don't know if you have I mean I'm not in the lesbian community so I don't know if they have a brat and a mommy I'm not sure I'm not like I want I want to say that yeah there is the mommy role for sure I would assume that there would be a I would assume it it transcends sexual sexual preference it totally does but we'll just call it I feel like there could be male brats I feel like yeah 100% yeah so I'm yeah I don't even want to go too much far down that you know um but we'll just talk about it from a a female to male Dynamic and then you could extrapolate from there on we're not it's not exclusive yeah and the daddy can also be like a like instead of the daddy you can also use the term brat te I mean daddyy BR Tam as well but Daddy sounds way more fun than brat tamer sounds fun yeah yeah brat yeah um but yeah so the brat and the brat Tamer you know what I mean excuse me oh you bless you and so yes so the Brad is somebody who at least from from you know my understanding my experience is is somebody who is a little bit like feisty and likes to say no likes to be playful but but still in a in a consensual way and uh and like with what and I think maybe with more in in we brat but I also in the submissives and Doms that the play extends outside of the bedroom as well as inside of the bedroom and well that's what I was going to talk to you about yes yeah yeah and so like brats are bratty meaning like a like a like a young kid would be like I want to do that you know like they have a little bit of like a childish nature to them that that is obstinate they're not like Yay let's go have a good time it's more like no don't tell me what to do but really they totally want you to tell them what to do like specifically they like that that's exactly what they want they're resisting to be disobedient and to be like yes they want yes they want to be they want to be punished but they want to earn that punishment they don't want you to just punish it for no reason they want to you know be like I don't want to is that tell me no you know what I mean like yes 100% and exactly right but then and so then like the the brattin and the the brat and the brat Tamer and the Dom and the sub but then this all in the bedroom is one thing but then it can extend into into real into like regular life as well and this is a much different dynamic because now you're you're kind of playing these roles you're living these roles now all the time and so a bratty personality versus brat Tendencies sexually or like in in that sense they you know I I feel like forget from my understanding other people will probably have far more experience than I do in this for sure but they're always kind of resisting it's a steady state of resistance and and whatever and then in a Dom sub relationship the dominant person will tell the sub exactly what they're going to be doing all the time for the length or or maybe for the length of an evening that might be part of the play is like you're going to wear this uh you're going to do this you can only get up when I tell you you can you can speak when I allow you you know what I'm saying they have all like there the rules move beyond the bedroom play but of course this is all done consensually it's you know or I mean it should be done consensually if it's not then this is kind of like sex trafficking it's it's controlling it's abusive yeah it's abuse yeah um and in in addition to that too um when you talk about so the DM you know but you're also talking about daddy so like in the daddy role um it usually is an older man or woman if it's Mommy whatever and this is like not just about like you were saying sexual stuff this is also like he's actually cares about like showing care yes and safety so there's an emotional component of safety so this person so there's like trust and safety usually like you know um he's got his [...] together and there's communication so even though there's isra there's like there's that like there's life experience so it's it's it's trust and life experience so even if a um and this doesn't mean added to this like not all people with daddy or Mommy fetishes have like daddy mommy issues correct you know I mean it could be and it's probable but um there's this um in the sexual experience like the sexual way of this there's you know just this feeling of being able to completely like trust and and let someone just do all the things and then in life you know taking you out like people see like oh it's my sugar daddy same thing like taking care of you and so it can extend outside the bedroom or it doesn't even have to make like get into a SE ual thing like you just have a relationship with a person that's completely um like transactional but each person they're getting something out of it you know so yes he's buying her or she's buying him or he's whatever they're buying each other they're buying each other like know one's buying another person like all these beautiful things whatever taking care of them all the other person is like you know maybe just having nice dinners and talking and like showing this other person love and affection in that way but there's no sexual component to it yeah what do they call those uh fins Financial Doms I think that's what oh yeah yeah Financial DS yep yep yep yep so yeah so that just is like an interesting um I think that's an interesting way of of going about that too um I've known a woman who had a quote unquote like sugar daddy and it was very much she like yeah we've never had sex it's just it's it's and it's transactional in the sense like that there's you know things being bought or money putting being put in the accounts yeah but the her the man was getting something out of it for sure whether it was long conversations just attention so um he was feeling loved and heard yeah which is huge which is sometimes bigger and better than being able to have sex because that's easy yeah so yeah for some for some yes for some absolutely if you're an incel this convers might be a little bit difficult so you know yeah please leave your comments in the below no I'm just kidding please um okay so oh this is a fun one okay so praise King what's that all about yeah so go ahead yeah praise King so exaggerated compliments and approval that's a good one yeah this is kind of the opposite of degradation a complete opposite yes yes yes absolutely this is all about you know which can be just as uncomfortable or more uncomfortable than being degraded because you have someone sitting there telling you that like you know as a woman you know like everything that's great about you you're perfect you're beautiful God look at your body oh your breaths are beautiful oh I love your mind oh my gosh you're you know like you're so smart like just going on and on about the body the like anything that's praiseful and it can be really uncomfortable like you're just sitting there like oh wow he's really paying attention and he's saying these things and it can get really uncomfortable um but then there's some women or men or you know that really are like that's just like yes bring it on and it's also really nice for the person that's saying it too I think that's a kink for them too so we say it's like the praise Kinks for the person that's receiving it I think it's also kind of k a kink for the person that's saying it too yeah definitely yes definitely different than degrading yeah well both I mean listen anytime you have one person who wants one thing whether it be whatever the other person who is doing it is is engaging in that thing as well and they might be engaging in it because they like it but they also might be engaging in it because the other person likes it and they will do it for that person and thereby they get they get not they get off but they have some pleasure in pleasing their their other person you know assuming they can do it with pleasure right not that it's like if somebody wants to be degraded and you don't want to degrade them I think it's gonna be very hard for you to find it in you to do it and not like insult them that's why you know when um you know I guess I don't even want to say it's fine are you sure yeah well I'm just saying be careful who you who you ask to be degraded by because they might put a accidentally put a curse on your family you know what I mean like that's like real de I mean seriously yeah [...] you and your whole family you ain't [...] you're like well wait a minute I just you know just just talk about me just tell me tell me that my penis isn't great yeah just tell me I'm a little pale man just like take it easy guy gez yeah no that's true though that can get a little crazy um yeah and that's another thing too this is why when we talk about consent it's not just consent that you're doing it to someone it's like hey are you yeah doing it you know choking me and pulling my hair and like hitting me slapping me in the face like are you comfortable with all this cuz I am but if the other person's not it's not going to be fun a because they not going to do it right right and they will probably end up hurting you yeah and that's no fun like not in a good way but you know in a terribly painful way yeah um and so yeah and that's why another thing like consent is and just like yeah let's do it yeah let's do it like have a conversation about it and like where you want it to go with which is also we talk about this is always like a big joke like safe words that's a real [...] thing because a safe word because a lot of times in these Kinks like yeah saying no that's part of the Kink which um oh we'll get down to that one saying no and like continuously saying no that's part of the Kink and that's what people want to hear and that's like getting things get like deeper and deeper and the more you say no so if you're just like arugala then you know that like it's time to stop right and some and a lot of times it's like red green I think those three words are used a lot in different situations but um yeah and they have their meaning but um yeah just making it a word that hey if you scream it out it has nothing to do with sex or anything like that it's like um yeah so that there there's that um uh because like in so in the situation of like CNC which is consensual noncon consent right and um yeah this is fun yeah this one so a lot of people and I don't I don't want to say a lot of people but there's there's an idea that this just means like rape right like the idea of consensual raping somebody and um and there's a role play um which it is it can be yeah it's like role playing that fantasy of like saying no and like setting up a scene you know you come home and somebody walks in behind you and then you go through all the things um but it's that but it also can be kidnapping yeah everything has a everything has a rabbit hole this is every we're we're at the we're at we're just we're talking about is at the tip of the rabbit hole the rabbit hole goes way down way Deep Way deep so like kidnapping like even like interrogation so it's like having someone tied and just like you know bound up and then yeah I've never seen that one that'd be interesting um forced orgasm so like yeah that can be done many different ways um yeah and if somebody like doesn't want to but like they've consented to not to non-c consent right um so yeah so those are just a few and like you said there's a whole Rabbit Hole of those that yeah we don't need to I mean these are the ones that like if you want to start there SOI it um yeah all right you want to take the next one um no audience you'll see why take you don't want to take tuck holding no I'm good you don't want to take that one okay I'll take it okay so as we usually hear about this one it the the man the partner the male partner watching his partner having sex with person um so we usually see this in porn right it's like the poor man sitting in the corner watching his wife get real um beautiful scene love it great it's it's like total Emmy worthy stuff but this also is this is used in you know across this is not like withholding um whether it's a man a woman you know whatever gender you are um this is kind of goes around it's it's someone watching their partner getting you know having sex or going through sexual actions with another person that's consensual it's not just like you can act you can do the CNC where it's like a cheating scene right um which I heard a lot of people do and it sounds like really fun um and then they call like the the female a cldis so you know and it can be so you can just go but it's it's basically that scene that scene or that thought that you know the partner's cheating on the person that's that's what it kind of started off as now it's just it's gone into something better in the person that's watching the husband or wife that's watching is you know enjoying it they like they like that pleasure so there's a compersion aspect there which we talked about before um but there's also the jealousy aspect because that really entices jealousy and jealousy and people can like create a different dynamic in relationships too so there's from the person watching you know you've got like I'm I'm really like kind of jealous that I'm watching this person do this my my partner right now and so that's another like we talk about therapy and getting things out and alchemizing feelings um there's a whole thing there I think that and I I think we can take this out of the situation and say okay when we're jealous about something sometimes you get jealous and that's going to make I've seen this in couples where it's like this person's jealous so I'm going to try harder and do more and like be a better partner right because of my own insecurities right so this is one of those scenes where if you talk you know what what things that I've read it's like that can turn into that you know in some cases in some cases definitely not but um there's that aspect of it here's a question fedra and I don't I don't know that you I mean there is no definitive answers but okay do do you you know based on your experience and you know from your own or from friends in the community do you find I mean of course Kings Kinks evolve and change over time but like we're talking about alchemis of I mean and that's the premise of the question so yeah talking about alchemis of trauma or discomfort into pleasure yeah I would imagine and then just just me being me as somebody evolves in their life or they mature whatever maybe evolve is better than mature that their relationship to the things that brought them pain that have over time via these Kinks have been turned into pleasure would lose a little bit of the the kind of grip that they had on somebody in the initial stages and so therefore their Kinks their you know kind of experiences would have to evolve with them and I'm just wondering would would that render some of these initial experiences in that world when it when the stuff had a lot of power would that render it not as powerful as time goes on which I think probably but then the question is like I I don't know like where where would that go like how does that evolve or is that person my person I know what what have you what have you seen if if anything like this yeah so what I'm hearing is that you're saying as someone evolves and their their their initial trauma or pain which when when they're seeking this uh they're seeking it to turn into pleasure so they start small or let's say you know in one of these these Kinks or FSH situations and then but as they're learning and they're growing and they're evolving and learning more about them then it's not going to be such an impact anymore like it may not be as pleasurable because now they're dealing with their traumas and their stuff and so that may not be as pleasure of it anymore this is why then we start like you said we start going down rabbit holes of more and more okay so maybe like that impact like if you just spanking me so now we're going to take it a step further so that's why when you start reading up on these Kinks and stuff like that it can get pretty um I mean it can it can it it can get pretty intense like very intense um and so that I would assume then they probably would try okay well that's not really that's not getting hitting me anymore so they try something different or maybe it's just like maybe I'm just going to try somebody being nice to me MH maybe that's gonna become my new Kink is like maybe I just try vanilla stuff for a little bit and see if it works but that was a great question like that was I don't think I've ever thought about that but I think that's why new Kinks and people normalize it now because this is dealing with you know a lot of different things or yeah so I would say yeah they'd evolve into new in different things or just say hey I don't think this is for me anymore and yeah your body will tell you I think one's body is like yeah we're done like I'm and yeah but that was that was good and I I would I would assume so but I'm not sure I don't think I've heard yeah I mean I know people that really go in and out of things and it's just like with anything in life like even just lifestyle you know like your thoughts and needs and wants change or you start learning things about anything we've talked about in the last you know few months um or that you talk about on your your podcast with Eric like the growth and the change is is so important and you might be resistant to leave things behind but once you start learning what you really want and need and what's important can change yeah so um oh the next one you can take the next one this is easy so exhibitionism um this is yeah this is exposing yourself in a consensual public space uh also could be private in a private setting I always I always find exhibit exhibitionism to be very similar to voyerism like you want to be SE like you want you you want to be seen yeah so Voyer is the person watching exhibition is the person being that's that's being watched yeah yeah so they go hand in hand yeah I've had a couple friends who've been and and you know I'm not going to say I'm sure you've been but possibly you've been they know they have some uh some clubs or some parties where there people are on you know display and and they're doing their thing I know my cousin went somewhere in Vegas and there was a um I forgot the name of the place I wouldn't even say it if I knew it anyways but right you let me know off camera yeah for sure and so there they were so he went to this club and it was it was a like a lounge type thing but in the center everything was sort of around this middle uh there was a a a a man and a woman and the woman was kind of teasing the man giving him a little lap dance wearing a lingerie kind of things like this and then they I I don't know how it happened but she chose my cousin nice to uh enter into the arena you know enter into and so he was there being watched by the majority of the people at this place to you know engage with her while her male partner sat you know as the cuckle in the corner while they did their thing and everybody was uh witnessing this live yeah yeah yeah that's a real thing yeah there's definitely a lot of that going on and there's and it's more and more it's a little it used to be so much more underground and now these things are like yeah and so there's parties right um uh they're not just your old school key parties from back in the day right those are making a comeback too um anyways so yeah um exhibition in exhibition it's not even in a sexual sense just like going to nudus camps you know like being able just to be seen naked um being free and liberated uh and that's just even if like you're at home with your partner just walking around you know with the drapes open like I was talking to some people who that's like their form of exhibitionism right it's like they have all the drapes open and if you live in Chicago in a high-rise this is and I'm voy IC for sure but you know you just look out your window and you're like right across from someone's window right and people are just they're doing all their things in those buildings they don't they don't give a [...] at all they are completely drinking their coffee H stretching in front of the way like no pants on and I was like that's so cool like bro get it you know um but there you go it's just like and it's it can be simple or it can get into like the sexual stuff you know um with the dungeon and and and the different parties so yeah it can be real simple if you like walking around naked around your partner you are an exhibitionist there you go you were already in this world and you didn't even know you didn't even know it yeah people are like yes I'm kinky did it we did it yay not boring yeah yeah when we I used to go to school downtown in Chicago and um we were across from a hotel I forgot which hotel it was oh a school oh jeez oh yeah and so and we were higher up so we could see many many floors windows and there' be people having sex naked people all like all the time I mean I was always staring out the window hoping that during you know whatever lecture I was in I would be entertained by the uh the resident guests of the hotel amazing lucky you yeah it was awesome oh that's fantastic that's so great I love that but it's Anonymous too right cuz like you know someone's going to see you and then but they don't know who you are you just yeah right you know what I mean so that's actually illegal uh oh okay got it right okay yeah yeah so so also with the boyis exhibition it has to be consensual so if someone is so they can be CNC right where you're in a party and you haven't given anyone like actual consent but by being there it's just like o someone o someone might walk in and see me o like that's like oh know like we're doing something naughty uh so that's part of it too but like usually being in that that place you've given consent that you're okay with people walking in um at some places some places have you actually sign things um if you're like at someone's home that's a different story like they usually will have like a group introduction and kind of a get to know you Circle and then when people go off to play there might be a private room that's the do not enter where some you know people are doing their thing and then there's rooms where you can open the door and watch um and that's more of a private setting um so you're saying don't don't do that at like a baby shower or a Christen don't do that at a baby shower at a Chris probably not or you know your grandpa's 90th birthday party yeah probably not like a good idea yeah that's one at a whole different new level um okay so did we we did talk a little bit about impact play a little bit impact yeah if you talk about impact it's um it's usually like that pain response right um so uh there's usually a top and a bottom top is a person that's using the mechanism what could be a hand it could be a fogger that's like the little thing with all the little tassels on there um crops padd you know which paddles um so this is this is can be fun like the one thing to remember you know if you're listening to this you're like I want to try to like spank like there's certain areas right so we do the fleshy areas like breasts with consent breasts the the you know somebody's ass um impact play can include the face but there's a really there's a proper way to smack someone and there's a very improper way so like don't just think you can go and whale right because that would not be good and it's not fun and it hurts a lot so um so fleshy areas but if you're going to use like something there's areas to avoid like the sides like where the kidneys are um different joints like the neck because you could really hurt someone yeah damage some things or kill them you know like so it could get really bad but it can also be very fun I mean you got like paper clips on the nipple not paper clips like the clothes pins on the nipples say paper clips yeah some people do like medical needles where they'll like do like almost like body art I've seen be I say it's beautiful but it was is somebody had someone um you know where they take the the I don't know what you call them not the the dermic needles or the yeah whatever those are whatever but they had feathers on them so they made her like have wings which was like it was so different and I didn't even know it was but that was like part of that like I think that's actually a different King I don't think that's impact but it's still pain um imp can also um be like I was saying with the hands so choking slapping you know that's and that's usually what people just like oh a spank if you spank your partner you're kinky and you are into impact play so that's your gateway drug but um yeah and then being a bottom and so it can it can be very easy where it's just like a spank here but then there's a lot of people that also like it like really rough and they love the bruises and the welts and in my opinion for me like that's it's scary because it's really um it's it's pretty intense the amount of bruising that can be had been G be given on a particular night and there's a lot of and from what I've talked with people who do engage in that there's many days of after care and like right bringing yourself down so it's not just like you go through this because it's a it's a whole process and then after you're like I'm good like I some people may be but a lot of people there's a day or two so usually the parties could be like on a Friday or Saturday and they take the next two days to recover from it because it's really intense it's a lot on your nervous system I mean you're you're aroused and then you're and then you're getting then you're you're accepting pain as part of that arousal so you have to reregulate your your system and that takes time you know and space yeah absolutely and so same thing like we were talking about a lot of these things when it comes to like with object St they're not necessarily like you're having sex no you know like not you know this is a lot of this stuff can just be like the ACT is what's creating like that arousal and stuff so um yeah so that's that um and then I think we had like there's oh one we didn't talk about was the objectification which I find really interesting yeah um so when you when you you basically the person that you're with you're using them in something other than as a sentient being right so a foot stool a [...] toy a hole a piece of furniture um a urinal you're a urinal a urinal and it's just like you're using this part this person as just like whatever and there and this could be kind of like that Dom again where we're talking about the Dom and the um all the the sub um this and it goes into the be it's the sadus and the masochist so it's one of those things where um it's like you're being talked to like I'm sitting there and I'm on all fours and someone just has their feet on me and I just sit there they're reading a book I mean this is you know someone's Dom can do this and so like my D is just sitting there and I just sit there and I'm like okay Mt or or whatever can I can I get up and they just tell me to shut up and sit there and they could sit there for hours and if I get tired I get punished if I move I get punished and that's the whole thing yeah in some situations and it's so interesting that people love this or they just like when we think about like gang bangs right the the woman in the gang or man in the gang bang a lot of time um they don't they're not considering themselves as a person they're like I'm a whole I'm here for one purpose and that is to have all these men or women use me and I'm the sole purpose of as being a whole and it's it's interesting like no judgment um but it's just an interesting concept that when you hear like the one girl that had like what like a thousand guys or something in a day you really have to think of yourself you do not think you're human you do not consider yourself a sentient being in that moment you can't yeah so they have what's that what's that test called fager what's that that that's like the the BDSM yeah the bdsmtest.org or something like that where you can so yeah so people who are interested and you want to see where you where you kind of rank on on this scale of uh you know freaknick to uh to vanilla vanilla you know like Dryer's vanilla yeah exact yeah yeah not even French vanilla no not even French just straight van it's just ice actually it's just ice it's frozen milk that's it um that's it but you can look up like BDSM test and then they'll and they'll give it to you and uh one of the questions on there is uh do you like to be used as a urinol it's a real thing yeah yeah I mean I saw that question I was like wow like no I don't think so no no but obviously someone does because the question's on here um however I prefer not but thank you me too but thanks thanks for asking thanks for asking that question yeah appreciate it yeah it's a good test it's a very it takes some minutes though it's not a short quiz there's what like a hundred questions or something it was or 60 80 it was it's a long test so if you're going to take it just for fun I thought think it's fun and it's always changing so if you think right now you're like oh I'm really never going to be into this stuff once you start seeing that and start just kind of like doing a little research I hope everyone gets like interested in some of this stuff and they're like oh this isn't so bad like I think we gave a good yeah like like a a a good like high and low range for individuals yeah before you know first you start off with a little spank and before you know it you're you're being paraded around your house naked like a dog on a collar drinking out of a bulll yes which is a huge thing absolutely in a cage and then they keep you that old dog cage that you don't use anymore you can stay in there you can use it yes and you could sell your house and move into a small apartment because you just need this little cage you know yeah absolutely great you're welcome for the financial advice by the way we're changing lives changing lives that's right just like that awesome well this was great fedra thank you yeah we had a nice time um feder thank you so much for for being here and and sharing this I know this is a near and dear to your heart and it's nice to bring this you know I I I know there's there's a lot happening in the world right now you know there's uh there's there's just a lot happening and you know we're we're we're kind of diving in uh to those spaces a little bit more on the psychological aspect of it and so uh you know but we are still who we are which is you know beings of relation and and sexuality and and trying to find pleasure as many places that we can in life because it is it is hard it is overwhelming but we're not you know we're still here and we have to get through and it's better in my opinion to get through with a a more happy demeanor finding more pleasure in in our existence so that we can deal with the stuff that is not so pleasurable in our daily existence so I I enjoy having these conversations and bringing the the spotlight to areas of of fun and maybe Kink and fetish yay so um if you found this useful um or not useful uh you know like and uh sub yeah but subscribe it definitely helps out it's totally free to you uh share our work if you find it uh interesting or you just want to troll somebody with it that's fine too cuz maybe they might you never know you know so um yeah like subscribe comment if you want to if you have questions uh leave a comment in the YouTube uh hit us up at the Jin and Tantra podcast or um at Jin and Tantra gmail.com and for fedra this is Daniel we'll catch you guys in the next one peace